Comparing yourself to others only causes stress and damages your self-esteem.
Most often it moves you away from who you really are.
The unique and beautiful person that you are.
No one wins at the comparison game. You look at other people’s clothes, car, house, job, money, or even small things like their hairstyle. And then you feel bad about yourself.
Why would you do that?
Where do you fit in?
Some people compare themselves to movie stars or famous singers and have an unhealthy mix of admiration and jealousy.
I wish I was like that. Why can’t I have all those things?
Of course, you forget that those celebrities are putting on a show. It’s not real life. Yet, your feelings of inadequacy are real. And your self-esteem just plummets.
The opposite also happens. When you compare yourself to others that have less than you.
Do you secretly feel good that you’re above them? Are you relieved that you’re not in the same place they are?
When you stop comparing you feel empathy for those with less and healthy admiration for the celebrities.
If that’s not the case then you haven’t figured out that it’s impossible to compare your insides to someone else’s outsides.
Comparing yourself to others, especially those in your everyday life always evokes some type of reaction or feeling.
It can happen at home, at work, with friends, or in any other situation that requires your attention.
You may say to yourself: Why don’t I have what they have? What’s wrong with me that I’m not able to achieve the same thing? How lucky they are or I’m nothing compared to them. And on and on…
It ranges from things that have little importance like material things to the person’s intangible aspects, like their personality or way of being.
It doesn’t matter who or how old you are – when you compare yourself to others using those types of questions, it naturally fuels your low self-esteem at any age.
And we already know that’s no good, right?
So if you are constantly comparing yourself to others, start learning to decipher those triggers.
Scrolling is at its peak, and these days we’re relying way too much on social media for connections. It’s not only true for teenagers as some may think – it’s true for the majority.
Social media amplifies the comparison game and most of us don’t even realize that we’re trapped inside. How do you feel when you go through your feed?
Do you feel happy? Does it bring you a positive feeling? Are you smiling?
Probably not. And yet you spend hours scrolling. Yes, hours. Be honest.
You know that most social media isn’t real. It’s just a show. But you compare anyway. Why?
Do you wish to be like them? To be a celebrity with a worldwide nickname? To be beautiful even if it means a series of plastic surgery? To be rich and earn 6 figures in 30 days? To have their talent from birth? To wear that beautiful dress in the middle of a lavender field?
Whatever your answer is, you’re buying into the fake show and the elaborate marketing strategies that make you feel less than when you compare yourself to others.
It makes you feel you should strive to be someone other than yourself.
How far from the truth can you go until you fall off the edge?
“Comparison paralyzes progress, both of the mind and the society.”― Abhijit Naskar
If you’re not ready to stop comparing yourself to others, and you’re going to scroll anyway, then at least stop a few minutes and analyze the image that triggers your negative thoughts.
Only then can you inject a good dose of reality into what you see.
People in your feed spend a lot of time setting up perfect images for a reason. So please, remember to use social media for entertainment and not to measure your life’s purpose.
Compare and learn.
Sometimes, comparing yourself to others can have a positive effect.
I have a friend who holds onto clutter for all the wrong reasons. And she’s in total admiration of her coworker W., the most organized person on the planet.
Each time they see each other, she tries to learn a small thing that will help her become an organized diva. My friend knows she won’t ever master this like a pro, but it doesn’t matter.
She just wants to learn to be more organized and uses W. as a model.
When you compare yourself to others in order to gain new skills and move forward, it’s a positive thing.
Your goal has to be something achievable and attainable, like in the case above: learning to get organized. But if you’re comparing yourself to others and striving for something impossible – like being a movie star although you’ve never taken an acting class, well, you know how that ends…
The goal is to stop comparing without action. If you admire something positive in someone, try to learn it for yourself.
But if you’re comparing yourself to others mindlessly and without action, then your destructive feelings of self-pity just rise back up to the top.
Who you are matters
The only person you should ever compare yourself to is yourself.
I never really understood this until much, much later. But it makes a lot of sense. When you track your progress, you can compare how far you’ve come.
We know that comparing yourself to others can be harmful.
But it can also be harmful to compare yourself to yourself if you’re not doing it in a positive way.
Failures and mistakes are a part of life and it’s essential to acknowledge them. We all have our own list, but we learn and make progress – and change for the better.
That’s what comparing yourself to yourself means: Tracking your progress and evolution.
Stop comparing yourself to others and be your friend
There’s no doubt that the person we should depend on and trust the most is ourselves.
With strong self-esteem and clear ideas, being your own best friend becomes a wonderful possibility and you naturally stop comparing yourself to others.
Related Reading: Be your own best friend
Go off to battle
When you’re stuck in the comparison game, you sometimes have to fight your way out. Be aware of your triggers and consciously push away the urge to compare with force.
Here are a few tools to help you stop comparing yourself to others.
Do you journal? If not, this is an excellent option to sort out your feelings and start giving yourself the credit you deserve.
Who are you?
Could you write it down? Your wants, needs, dreams, achievements, failures, pains, gains, likes and dislikes, and all other details that describe you accurately.
You are unique, remember?
If you need some questions to get you started on how you feel – get a free download here.
Pinpoint exactly when you compare and with whom. It’s a good start.
Who is that one person that every time you see them, triggers your need for comparison?
What’s the situation? Explain the details to yourself and what happens in your mind. By doing this, you take back control vs letting your feelings of inadequacy take over.
Once you raise your awareness, you can start to do something about it.
Of course, this is the best medicine for so many human ailments. Get in the habit of writing down that which makes you happy, or proud, or smile.
Choose 3 things daily that you’re grateful for. It’s not easy at first, but practice, and over time, you’ll get pulled back into something positive.
When you stop comparing yourself to others, your thoughts shift and you allow yourself to take responsibility and face life’s challenges. We all have what it takes within us.
However, when we continue comparing ourselves to others, our abilities weaken. They get diluted in negative thinking until we no longer own our uniqueness.
It’s so easy to get into a negative cycle of comparison because there will always, always, always be someone to compare yourself to.
People have different abilities, different talents, and different personalities.
That’s what humans are about!
Work hard not to get sucked into the comparison warp. Do what you have to and stay close to yourself.
Although you may not believe it just yet, You are unique.
When we work on ourselves, we can better understand how we are all different.
And that’s the beauty of it.